Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Awkward voicemails.


Hey Sean? Can we talk? Like...I just feel like you aren't yourself. You know? I just give and give and give. And get nothing back. I am really not trying to be a nagging girlfriend, since we aren't you know, dating. But what the balls? A NECKBEARD? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I am sorry, but weren't you the Vogue whipping boy this summer? Whipping boy...Ok, back on task. The point is, I highly doubt Miss Anna Wintour would approve of such facial hair. But babycakes, you look terrible. Are you going through a bad break up with your other woman? Weren't you seeing the former Miss Calvin Klein? Or was it Ralph Lauren? Whatever. You need some fashion rehab. Karl Lagerfield could counsel you. You two can sip iced coffees in matching suits and skinny ties. Will you bring back the glasses? For me kitten? I know, I know you are probably totally emo right now. Your old team is doing uhm amazing without you, and the Stars aren't doing so hot. It sucks. Your ex is doing better than you after the break up. But you can't let their awesomeness rattle you. Give em hell and get all up in their kool aid. I expect more goals out of you. No really. Earn your paycheck. I am quite aware of your uhhhh physical strength and stamina. Yeah that. Bow chicka wow wow. This was my pep talk. And I think I left my shoes at your place. Sorry.

3 comments:

Lori said...

Beautiful. And i think he may have accidently misplaced your shoes so that he could admire them in your absence and maybe even give them a try. You know, just in innocent fun and to show his appreciation of fashion...

Loser Domi said...

offer a fair trade: those shoes for the YSL hightops, straight up

eyebleaf said...

Those are nice shoes.