Sunday, March 8, 2009

Erik Cole back in Carolina

I'm apparently not the only one excited.

Since his return, 'Canes outscored opponents 15-5. Srsly.

Saturday, March 7, 2009

Dan Bylsma: Fashionista Extraordinaire

Hey, look! it’s new Pittsburgh Penguins coach Bylsma talking to the media, being his average Joe self, saying things like “‘till” and “real quick” and aboot while he verbal diarrheas out of that cute little mouth of his about things like our brandie new aggressive north/south system, all that new time in our offensive zone, his love for Kris Letang, little clich├ęs about Sidney Crosby figuratively “answering the phone” and how we still have one more road ga…

 Wait… I must have been in a trance. Where’d he go?

BAM! It’s game time, bitches! And Dan Yves St. Laurent Bylsma doesn’t fuck around. My fashionista hockey coach is going to kick your ass with his neatly shined patent leather shoes that perfectly match his belt, and his supple squad of burley boys, one line at a time.

Dan Chanel Bylsma is going to deflate your offense in his purple power suit with the shiny flair accents on his matching (but not too matchy-matchy) quirky purple patterned tie and his grey tweed jacket.

And you’d better believe that Dan Marc Jacobs Bylsma is going to going to hand some ass whooping it to the referee, because that holding call was the most bullshit thing he’s ever seen since the return of the poncho in like 2004, and by the way, black and white vertical stripes are so last season, you got that, honey?

Dan Dolce and Gabbana Bylsma with his deep, crimson tie and the trendy steel framed glasses is going to teach that kid some goddamn manners about chewing with his mouth open, and he’s going to do it with a snap of the fingers and a flick of the hips, because when you’re anywhere near Dan Prada Bylsma’s Pittsburgh Penguins bench, you bring the fucking class.

Since Dan Michael Kors Bylsma took over as the Pittsburgh Penguin’s head coach, he has recorded a 7-1-1 record. Maybe the Penguins just needed a new face… or a new wardrobe

Look out, Sean Avery, look out.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

To the Avery Lovers:

Look deep into my scarf Heather. It can see into your soul!

Well looky looky! The Avery drama ended just the way everyone said it would. With all the recent events surrounding the Rangers, I am beginning to think they are being run by the media. First everyone called for Torts and they got him, then everyone demanded a side of Avery and it was served up fresh. If teams are beginning to actually listen to the MSM, is it only a matter of time before we bloggers get to start calling the shots?

Just in case that time is now: "Gee, it would make a lot of sense if Pittsburgh traded New Jersey Evgeni Malkin for Jay Leach and a 7th round pick. I think that would really free-up the Pens salary structure and give them another shot at drafting a great player."

Watch TSN for that impending gem of a trade. Speaking of TSN, check out this hilarious quote from Glen Sather in their article on international Sean Avery waiver day.

"Rangers' general manager Glen Sather sees Avery as a boost to a struggling Rangers squad and believes that his coach and new acquisition will be able to co-exist.

''He doesn't have the history with Sean that we do,'' Sather said on a conference call last week. ''Over time, you learn to love him, just like I do.''"

I dunno Glen. Marty and him got a lot of quality alone time together last season, and he doesn't seem to love him "just like" you do. Although they might have just been hiding their love for each other during the handshake line incident to throw off eagle-eyed NHL analysts.

I've got it! They didn't shake hands because they were already playing footsy in the handshake line! (this would normally be the time where I would photoshop such an incident, but said photoshopping program is not really feeling like opening today. I leave it to your imagination instead.)

Between the Devils actually making a trade (for a depth defenseman) and the Avery situation ending exactly like everyone said it would, this trade deadline is really getting my pulse up.